190 (31.01.2015)

I see you in my mind as you drive off,
Next Sunday when we start another show,
Like little piggies eating from a trough
We've found this thing but cannot let it go.
So you drive off and then you're all alone,
Inside our seven-seater family car,
And I'll be left behind with heart of stone
Explaining to the kids just where you are
"She had to go away, she has to work..."
"She had to go out for a little run."
While inside my emotions go berserk,
As I know the unstoppable's begun.
Then later in the dark when you return,
I'll touch your sacred body and I'll burn.

189 (30.01.2015)

Nearly swerved into a lorry just now
Funny how these moods take me up and down,
Could have done it but resisted somehow,
There's nothing quite like love to make you frown.
I know that I have to be strong for you
And mustn't let my burning insides show
Or let those little cracks come shining through
Revealing all the things you shouldn't know.
So if I button up and place a smile
Upon my worried face so you can't see
That inside I am crying all the while
And things are not the way they ought to be,
Can you be strong and glad and learn to fly
And then not notice as I crack and die?

188 (29.01.2015)

No resting on no laurels here for me
Another day, another sonnet comes
Just fourteen lines for all the world to see
Thrown up into the wind like falling crumbs.
So that's the first four lines I've set the scene,
And now I build on that with four lines more
All filled with love and peace, or venting spleen,
The workings of a modern sonnet whore.
So four more lines to go and then the end
And then another when today is done,
As if I had something I should defend
And wasn't only doing this for fun.
Sometimes I think it's just these lines that show,
These days so quickly come and quickly go.

187 (28.01.2015)

When we were gold and young and in our prime
And age was not a thing we had acquired
A camera captured us and froze in time
A moment long before we had retired.
We are not individuals but a team
And each of us united with the rest
We worked towards our mutual winning dream
Only together could we each be best.
A rugby team of smiling happy men
Forever looking forward to the game
Preserved on Facebook as we were back then
And in the clubhouse in a wooden frame.
A team immortalised for all to see
Who sacrificed themselves for H&B.

186 (27.01.2015)

I think I'll have my cake and eat it too
Just let some strange ideas into my head
Allow them to walk round in there with you
And find some things about me I've not said.
So I want this and this and this and that
And I want loving all mixed up with hate
The things I wish for are what makes me fat
But I don't realise until too late.
And all I long for fills me with disgust
When everything is spent and then I see
If there's a person in the world to trust,
The one person that person isn't's me.
So all the things I do make me feel bad,
And that's the only way I can feel glad.

185 (26.01.2015)

I'd like to tell you seven bits of me
And look inside myself and try to think
But when I close my eyes it's hard to see
'Cause deep inside me all is black as ink.
So that's the first one; but there's also light
My seven children's names I could repeat
They are the thing in my life that's most right
The grace that's made my time on earth complete.
I like to exercise but eat too much,
(There's nothing like some sugar and some fat)
A clumsy giant with a gentle touch,
About as subtle as a cricket bat.
An exercising, hungry, oafish man,
Who tries to be as gentle as he can.

184 (26.01.2015)

Don't want to give the game away or tell
But actually it's me who's winning here
The physical is nothing but a spell
The mind is where the world is made most clear.
So you can heave and thrust and give and take
And you can moan and groan and lust and whine
It doesn't matter how much noise you make
The greatest part of pleasure's always mine.
For when the physical has been and gone
And every bit of energy is spent
Inside my mind the game it still goes on
And everything is now before that went.
Your moments they have disappeared somehow,
But in my head all things still happen now.

183 (25.01.2015)

Sometimes I have to really work through this
When I'm not in the mood, it's not easy
I always feel there's something that I'll miss
Or fear my syllables be wrong or cheesy.
And when I feel it's pointless then I don't
Know why I really bother anyway,
It's like I want to stop but know I won't
No matter how depressed I am today.
The sonnets I have written form a line
That I refuse to break until I'm dead
And just by doing this I build a shrine
Between what's still to come and what's been said.
So even when I can't really engage,
I find my pen still floats across the page.

182 (24.01.2015)

I am so lost and crowded out in thought
I'm sure today will be a little strange
I think and think but all amounts to nought
And all the best ideas stay out of range.
So I go for a run to ease my mind
And watch the sunset over sea and hills
The world and me we are so much entwined
Its beauty makes me cry and anger kills.
I sort of hope that I will never die
But this is as we all know it will be
We cannot stop our ageing though we try
Time will not make exceptions just for me.
So while I run my thoughts they start to roam
And I am calm and well when I'm back home.

181 (23.01.2015)

Now wintertime has come and water's cold
The sun is disappearing and the thin-
Est layer of ice is starting to be bold
And thickens as the night starts to begin.
The stars they sparkle high up in the sky,
And any warmth left in the world is gone
The brazen crystals grow before my eye,
They'll soon be thick enough to walk upon.
Like mirrored burning, lightening over glass,
The particles of ice they join and change
There's nothing in the world we can surpass
No natural thing improve or rearrange.
So, though the winter shows its coldest face
Somehow the world stays in a state of grace.

180 (22.01.2015)

So now I lay these words down just for you
And hope that everything will be alright
They say that in the world there's nothing new
But I see shining stars burst late at night,
And I see children grow and learn to play
And watch the shape of clouds change in the sky
I see the weather moved from day to day
And all the minutes as they twitch and fly.
All things are new although they seem the same,
When I wake up I recreate the world
I do so for myself and in your name
As myths and legends round me all are curled.
So each day things are new, though earth is old,
We wake from sleep and watch the world unfold.

179 (21.01.2015)

Who's in control of that little weapon,
That brings men without effort to their knees,
And lays them prostrate for you to step on
And, at your mercy, do with as you please?
What need is there in all of us that delves
Into that place which all our hope devours
But teaches us so much about ourselves,
While squand'ring with such ease these precious hours?
The little lapping waves they come to me,
The stars above shine down on all who know
Allowing those too desperate to see
The things that undrawn curtains cannot show:
That this small weapon is about controls
And subjugation is one of its goals.

178 (20.01.2015)

Contentment overshadows this so well
Why write a word when everything is fine
And when our conversations cast a spell
Of joy, and there is no more need to whine?
So, happiest I am when I don't write
But if I do not write then I am lost
If there is no more need for me to fight
What harm is it that sonnets pay the cost?
So I walk gently on contentment's way
And wander through the places worries fail
For I am filled with joy and faith today
Knowing that I have strengths which will prevail.
So all is good, to write I have no need,
Yet still I place these words for you to read.

177 (19.01.2015)

I wish that we could try and have some fun
Wish I could keep the serious at bay
Imagine feeling free, like when you run,
But having that inside you every day.
The doubters they say, "Who needs peace of mind?"
They say, "Keep working, don't look at the stars."
And if I just obeyed them would I find
That I am better off behind these bars?
Forgive me now for just wanting to stretch
Forgive me now for not accepting this,
Forgive me now for being such a wretch
That paradise feels like a dark abyss.
Hit the pillow, straight away start snoring
Wow our life must be so fucking boring.

176 (19.01.2015)

I know the devil's stalking me tonight
I feel him deep inside me digging holes
He's setting little bits of me alight
And filling up my eyes with burning coals.
Beneath my skin he's stabbing me with flames
He plays me like a fool and I succumb
He turns all my emotions into games
And slowly, slowly, slowly I am numb.
If I sleep now will it soon be morning?
If I can rest will everything be good?
Why did I not heed another warning?
Why can I never do the things I should?
For I am captured and can not break free
From little devils deep inside of me.

175 (19.01.2015)

Talk to me about dissatisfaction
Talk to me about the mundane world
Ask me why I can't get a reaction
From places where our happiness is curled.
Take me down from everything that matters
Run me through with sycophantic rage
Wheels of fate they left my soul in tatters
And now I have no strength to turn the page.
I hope the world and I will part as friends
I hope that when we go our separate ways
That each of us will try to make amends
For problems that we had in better days.
Comes back home and straight away is yawning,
Has to be some oblique kind of warning.

174 (18.01.2015)

Sometimes I think that this is all that counts
And all else is irrel'vant in the world
No money, love, or sex in large amounts
Can alter how these letters they are curled
Around the pen that lays them on the page
A builder building brick row after row
That stretch out in the distance for an age
Becoming hard as ice like snow on snow.
So all the pieces of my daily life
That jostle for a chance to steal my time
Yes, even you my ever loving wife,
Become through words more lasting and sublime.
So I jot out a sonnet every day,
And see them last as all else fades away

173 (18.01.2015)

I told you that I'm no good at waiting
Something in my childhood touches me there
The slow moments spent anticipating
Knowing what happens in the time we share.
How, far away, in some dark night you stand
Inside the cold of winter all on fire
Feeling the pleasure of a mouth and hand
That flick the gentle flames of your desire.
And I wait here for you to come to me
Knowing that every second makes it clear
That you have stopped along the way and he
Is feeling what it's like to hold you near.
I wait and wait for when you will arrive
And know just how it feels to be alive.

172 (18.01.2015)

Oh little tiny, tiny one lay still
The night is dark and folding all around
There's nothing here to cause you harm or ill
Lie back and fill the night with sleeping sound.
Oh tiny, little baby in my arms
The time has come to sleep the day is old
So leave behind this world and all its charms
And go back to the place where dreams unfold.
Then in that place where all go when they rest
Allow yourself some peace away from here
Sometimes the things we cannot touch are best
And in the darkest night we see most clear:
You are a soul that's floating just like me,
And we have bodies temporarily.

171 (17.01.2015)

Text: "Worried about loving you too much
Don't want you thinking I'm needy and weak."
(Should I add how I melt at her sweet touch,
And when I see her I can hardly speak?).
Add: "Love you lovely one, you're my pillar
You are my rock, foundation and my life...
(And it's true 'cause sometimes love's a killer)
Really, really can't believe you are my wife.
Sometimes I wish that I could love you less
And get some balance back into our lives."
Then she texts: "Love is mutual." And I guess
That all men feel this way about their wives.
I'm sure all husbands are the same as me
And love their better halves as I love thee.

170 (16.01.2015)

Let this one be the one to really count
Let this one be the one that breaks the mould
An alchemy of thoughts that all amount
To words and syllables all made of gold.
Let this not be just hum-drum and mundane
Let every line be filled with special power
Transport me words from all that is inane
And pointless in the minutes in an hour.
Oh Shakespeare come and bless these words of mine
And give me just one billionth of your gift
So I can string these thought into a line
Of verse to help the human spirit lift.
Please give me words, the things you know I need,
And grant me love that I may then succeed.

169 (15.01.2015)

Let's let the children scream a bit and then
Allow ourselves a minute for some peace
Before they all wake up and start again
To fill our ears with noises that won't cease.
We stand upon the mill and start to tread
We flow like we are some sort of machine
We know that moments filled with riot and dread
Are also filled with love that can't be seen.
Then suddenly the tiny house is still
And I can spend an hour or two with you
We dream of dreams we one day will fulfil,
And ponder where the freedom's gone we knew.
So, though the days are filled with busyness,
The evenings make it all worth while I guess.

168 (14.01.2015)

The world is such a busy place to be
It's hard at times to settle down and think
There's so much here to talk about and see
Things come and go as fast as you can blink.
So if there are some things we wish to do
Or dreams we feel that we long to fulfil
Sometimes distractions are a bit like glue
They hold us down and motivations kill.
But maybe that's just what it's like on earth,
Inertia is the enemy within,
We work hard and do things we feel of worth
And never doubt the reasons we begin.
So I try hard to aim and never miss,
And put away distractions and do this.

167 (13.01.2015)

The more we push the more we then can take
We train like we are runners out to win
Just waiting for the differ'nce we will make
When we have freed ourselves of all our sin.
We give to those who say they are in need
We empty out our pockets at a price.
To let the others win is to succeed,
And in the face of malice to be nice.
So these are all the things that we were taught
To bow down and be gracious every day
He never once surrendered, never fought
But his resistance is the only way.
The lessons of the past have often shown
The strongest man is he who's not alone.

166 (12.01.2015)

There's no way I will go to sleep tonight
Without having completed one of these
It's been a busy day, but it's alright
I now have time to do just as I please.
So once again I sit and write for you
This number one hundred and sixty-five
It's not that I have nothing else to do
But more that this thing here keeps me alive.
It's an addiction now and I can't stop
I treasure these few minutes with my pen
Just waiting for the words to come and drop
Out of my mind and on the page again.
I guess tomorrow I will write as well,
But for today this is how words they fell.

165 (11.01.2015)

In the corner of my double glazing
All wrapped inside your winter wonder web
Architect of miracles amazing
Man's such an unsophisticated pleb
Who can't build trapping structures to compare
With deadly lines that you spin out of lace
Which we see glisten in the winter air
Made visible by you and frost in space.
Poor creepy-crawly fiend with eight long legs
Quick terror scuttling through the house at night
Arachnophobic wife her husband begs
To whisk you speedily away from sight,
How spread you fear in so many a heart,
And yet can make such perfect, silky art?

164 (10.01.2015)

Today in school we learnt to compromise
And learnt about a thing called censorship
And what each of these words itself implies
When we write things that cut worse than a whip.
So I had something inside I put out,
And my dumb bitterness it shattered you
With mournful sighs and cries you moped about
Until my posted sonnet I withdrew.
But I don't care, I didn't mean to harm
Our love which is more precious than all verse
Nor did I mean to cause you such alarm,
Or place on us some wicked voodoo curse.
For you and all the love with which I'm smitten
I'd burn up every word I've ever written.

163 (10.01.2015)

So what's the point in this thing anyway?
I thought that it was meant to wake us up,
Instead you're asking me to turn away,
While you pour sedatives inside my cup.
I thought this game might re-open a door,
I thought that I would reap some sweet reward,
Instead it's just the way it was before,
You fall asleep and I just end up bored.
But if I give and give and give again
Will something brighten deep inside of you
Or will I just keep battling in vain
To try and get your passions lit anew?
At least one thing from this month I have learned,
The things you give are not always returned.

162 (09.01.2015)

Old Petrarch quite liked Sonneteers to moan
Like him, for women that they couldn't get
He wanted everyone to fuss and fret
Although some of us like to be alone.
There are those who work best when on their own,
They do not want to compromise just yet,
But Mr Sonnet let himself forget
That some on earth develop hearts of stone.
At times we all put on a public face
So we can keep what we like safe within
And no one can our inner feelings tell.
Living alone is no more a disgrace
Than trying hard to cover up a sin
Like couples who fake love but live in hell.

161 (08.01.2015)

So now the weather's come to take control
And laid its grey oppression down on us
The darkest clouds across the sky they roll
And England's favourite subject we discuss:
"D'you think the rain is gonna last all day?"
"I hear that in the North it's due to snow..."
"It seems the winter's really here to stay..."
"So now the trains will all be running slow..."
Oh island with your crazy distant moods,
Oh windswept land of changeable extremes
I love the way your strange weather intrudes
On all of us and all our thoughts and dreams
And wouldn't England with no gift of rain,
Be dull as pleasure with no threat of pain?

160 (07.01.2015)

Inside the darkest covers of my skull
I see a light emerging from within
That changes all my life from being dull
To something filled with joy and capped with sin.
But now I do not want just fourteen lines,
And long to write a verse that doesn't rhyme,
I'm tired of how the sonnet it confines
And tells me what to do all of the time.
I wish my mind were free to think its thoughts
And that I could keep pettiness at bay,
If I could just be free of all supports
And let my thinking mind go on its way.
But we all chose the bed in which we lie,
And in this form I'm still learning to fly.

159 (06.01.2015)

So love is blind and sees not things we do
And does not count the multitude of faults
I find in me when I'm compared to you
And when your beauty my vain sense assaults.
I'm also told that love has flaming wings
And it can join us though we are apart
And that it can build up the tiniest things
Yet also melt the toughest, strongest heart.
So love is magic and has magic powers
And that's how I feel when I am with you
There's nowhere else I'd wish to spend the hours
And nothing else I'd ever wish to do.
So I will rest with you and talk and play,
And then repeat the same thing everyday.

158 (05.01.2014)

Oh my right brain be my right brain, guide my
Left hand across this still uncharted page,
With words that tell you where they wish to lie
And hopefully can open up a cage
Or two. Speak to me inner voice I need
A clue to which way I should really go
Could you perhaps just plant a little seed
And let me know just how to make it grow.
Imagine falling through the thinnest ice
Imagine being washed away with words
Imagine floating far above advice,
Or flying with the feathered wings of birds.
So bits of brain allow me to do this,
Then help me gather all the things I miss.

157 (04.01.2015)

Everything feels a bit sordid today,
Something's happened to the back of my mind,
Nothing is funny, I don't want to play.
The blue sky and sun's just making me blind.
I think today I'm thinking much too much 
I don't know if I'm really here or not,
Reality is lost beneath my touch
I need something but I just don't know what. 
Perhaps it's better not to write like this,
Not anymore 'cause now these things get read.
Best to pretend that nothing is amiss
And write a happy love sonnet instead.
I don't want readers to get all perturbed
Or maybe think I'm mentally disturbed.

156 (03.01.2015)

Let's talk a bit and then let's talk again
About the same thing twisted to the left
Then twist it to the right and with some pain
Write down the things of which we are bereft.
And then let's chat about that thing some more
And try to see exactly who we are,
And why sometimes to talk is such a bore
And silence is the better course by far.
I speak to you the depths of my desire,
You mention that the sky's a little grey
I try to use my words to light a fire
But end up with just petty things to say.
And so we talk in circles all day long
And never know or understand what's wrong.

155 (02.01.2015)

You make me feel just like a clunking ship
Or like a discombobulated clown
Beside you as your feathered feet they slip
Along the path as we run into town.
I hear my breathing, wheezing at its best,
And see you breathless gliding on the wind,
I feel my body crying out for rest
Recalling every calorie I sinned.
And when you run your feet they barely touch
The ground on which I long to stop and sit,
Now I know why I don't like running much
And why I think this sport is pretty shit.
I'd much rather sit home and write these things
And give these simple words some sort of wings.

154 (01.01.2015)

If all the world could touch equality
And see what it means just to be at peace
Would we not lay down our iniquity
And get wars and injustices to cease?
For man's created equal as all man
And springs in naked from the mother's womb
And though he tries his hardest never can
Take that used body with him from the tomb.
So really we are equal in great things
But war and inequality are rife
And though the bell of hope eternal rings
It's hard to think of mankind free from strife.
So earthly heaven seems beyond our scope,
Though we can dream, and dreaming live in hope.