153 (31.12.2014)

When drinking was a thing that was so new
That hangovers and stabbing pain weren't known
We shared a litre bottle just us two
And acted like we were both fully grown.
And drunkenness was like a brand new world,
That came to us and sparkled in our eyes
And all our inhibitions they were hurled
Into the darkness of the passing skies.
But now my drink and me are far removed
And vomiting and headaches are all gone
As are the simple truths that drinking proved
And all the little lights that from me shone.
Though paralytic is no more for me,
I still do miss that changed reality.

152 (30.12.2014)

I do not know where all the days they go
It's like they slip away and then they're gone
And memories are all we have to show
For all the things we did and what went on.
But that's not really true though, is it now?
For when we make some things don't they remain
There to be touched and felt by us somehow
Even just as some sparks inside the brain?
So though I think my time it slips away
I also think it's with me all the while
And everything important done today
When captured here will always make me smile.
So days they come and quickly disappear,
But somehow in my head they still feel near.

151 (29.12.2014)

Thinking is fun so let me think today
About the world and all about my life,
About how when my thoughts they run astray
I always find them settled round my wife.
It's not that I don't care about the world
It's just that love fills up all of the space
Around which all my other thoughts are curled
And seems to put them all back in their place.
So thoughts of love and you they all expand
And other thoughts about the world decrease
And though there's things I'd like to understand
I think of you and my mind is at peace.
So I try hard to think a thought that's new
But all my thoughts they scurry back to you.

150 (28.12.2014)

I'm sitting now inside my favourite room
The room in which at last I'm left in peace
Where I can concentrate and can resume
This work I hope that I will never cease.
Outside the door all chaos runs amok
The children squabble, fight, then start to cry
But I don't care 'cause this doors got a lock
And they can't get in even if they try.
My wife is outside with them so they're fine
She's quite good at controlling them as well
Especially when she's had a glass of wine
To soothe the edges of the place we dwell.
The writer sits upon his throne and thinks,
And no one comes into the room, it stinks.

149 (27.12.2014)

If this becomes my last day here on earth
I'd hope to spend each minute as I should
I'll write these words out now, for what they're worth,
Then maybe try and do the world some good.
But good is not an easy thing to do,
There's friends and kids I'd like to bid farewell
And also spend a bit more time with you,
Before I start my journey down to hell.
So though I wish the whole world all the best,
I think the great temptation it would be
To just forget about all of the rest
And end up doing good for only me.
For when it's time to draw our final breath,
What are we more than living proof of death?

148 (26.12.2014)

The Christmas day is done and dusted now
But still the dust of love it covers all.
We play with toys that seem to care somehow,
And look outside to see if snow will fall.
But eyes are turned towards another year
For New Year's eve is five short days away
And then at last the future will be here
And we can turn our backs on yesterday.
So Witness this: the way time trundles on
As one day follows one and then the next
Today arrives and all too fast is gone
And no tomorrow does what one expects.
So last year slowly drifts into the past,
And next year keeps approaching all too fast.

147 (25.12.2014)

The clueless baby sitting on the bed
Does not quite understand what presents are
She likes the wrapping paper best instead
And thinks the disused boxes are a car.
Her brothers and her sister understand
And revel in the joy of Christmas day
The time for present giving is at hand
They open up their gifts and long to play.
The sky is blue the weather bright and clear
The Christmas bells reflect the shining sun
Without a doubt the best day of the year
For families and children having fun.
The parents spent more than they can afford,
But joy-filled, priceless love is their reward.

146 (24.12.2014)

Enough of all this sentimental tosh
Christmas is just a brand new name for greed
We teach the children to be snobs and posh
And spare no thought for those on earth in need.
So where is Jesus in all of this mess,
Did he not throw the money changers out?
And should we not be honest and confess
That Love is all this day should be about?
So gather round the family let us toast
This darkest winter's day that's filled with light
That's filled with thoughts for friends we love the most
And shines a brilliant beacon in the night.
The money lenders fill the world with greed,
But peace and love and light is all we need.

145 (23.12.2014)

Children on the stage with shining faces,
Their parents watching, nervous, from afar
iphones at the ready, changing places
To catch the perfect picture of their star.
Billy's playing Joseph, Wendy's Mary,
Her little brother Henry plays a sheep
Smiling they all say that it's not scary,
It's better than to be back home asleep.
Here to tell the tale of baby Jesus,
They're here to spread the word of peace and love,
See how hard the children try to please us,
They're angels sent to earth from heav'n above.
And spellbound parents, teary eyed, all smile,
As Love walks out amongst us for a while.

144 (22.12.2014)

The winter solstice passed us yesterday,
And now we look towards a lighter place,
The Christmas tree so shiny, bright and gay
Reflects its dreams and hopes in every face.
Our tree is only plastic but it still
Makes everything much nicer in this room
With all the joys of Christmas it does fill
Our hearts and chase away the winter's gloom.
Next year I want the same as I have now
A loving home and simple family life
The chance to earn my daily bread somehow
Without the need for turmoil, stress or strife.
The good, the fun, the positive I'll get,
The bad, the dull, the negative forget.

143 (21.12.2014)

He lost his power in legal battles
Becoming weak and old before his time
When he speaks to me his voice it rattles
Through grates inside my head that conjure rhyme.
I want to speak to him about some things
But, as I try the words, the question fails
I want to ask why life runs round in rings
And often we search circles for our tails.
I'd like a moment's peace and quiet with you
My father who died many years ago
Because a love had broke your heart in two
And now there's nothing left of it to show.
Oh father can you hear me as I talk,
And are you here beside me as I walk?

142 (20.12.2014)

Let me confess I can no more be free
Let me confess this cage I've landed in
Let me confess this prison made by thee
And by the love you've sewn beneath my skin.
I live not but for your sweet gentle grace
I live not but for your sweet gentle smile
I long to see the way it lights your face
And bathes the world in heaven for a while.
So willing I am now to be enslaved
That I would give you all that I can give
And know that by this giving I am saved
And by the death of freedom that I live.
Strange liberties grow deep inside anew,
The more I subjugate myself to you.

141 (19.12.2014)

Hi Mr D how is it off in Greece?
In England now the weather's grim and grey
When over there does all your wanting cease,
Do you feel more at peace from day to day?
I miss you much and miss our friendly talks
And miss the pleasure of your company
I miss our up and downhill little walks
And all the clever things you're teaching me.
I've had some ups and downs myself this week
Been letting myself go a little mad,
Trying to work out who is Tony Peek
But now all's well and good and I am glad.
Those things that yesterday filled me with dread,
They now release endorphins in my head.

140 (18.12.2014)

There's a game we play called Russian Roulette
It's a bit like gambling but much more fun
You get some bullets and then make a bet
And you each take turns to fire the gun.
It's not that hard, my father played the game,
No need to question what you want to do,
I think he took some pills but it's the same
The winner is the one whose life's first through.
Explain to me how you can sleep at night
With all of these things unbalancing us
D'you really not care? D'you think it's alright,
To watch our love slowly fill up with puss?
On all fours waiting for him on our bed,
Can't get these images out of my head.

139 (17.12.2014)

Don't you think that by now you ought to know
When I say "I'm ok," that it's a lie?
If you don't want to be with me then go
At least no one can say we didn't try.
Because I told you to... it's still betrayal
I thought you'd have the sense to realise that
I get off on the fear that we will fail
For me the pain and suffering's where it's at.
We both know things are never black and white
They're often shades of grey and too complex
I might be going mad but I'm alright
I love the thoughts of you and him and sex.
Things'll be ok, I'm sure and maybe,
I'll be fine and won't break like a baby.

138 (16.12.2014)

Sweet stabbing knives that rip my insides out,
And delving claws that tear my heart to shreds
It gives me something to obsess about
And fills blank spaces inside both our heads.
I want you to do this thing but I don't
Understand how you could do it to me.
I really want you just to say you won't
Although I've said you can and that you're free.
It makes me stronger, toughens up my frown,
It gives me things to write about a lot
Let's build a monument then burn it down
It's hard to know what's right until it's not.
God gave us free will so we all could choose,
But sometimes any way you go you lose.

137 (15.12.2014)

Be careful, someone's turning you away.
Feel it? Suicide buttons being pushed.
They said "You should do it" and "It's Ok."
Then when it seems alright you'll get ambushed.
Do this to me now but please don't do it
Go ahead please I want you to but don't
It's fine I promise I don't mind a bit
Tell me you will but please tell me you won't.
You say you have no choice and then you choose
And all the time he's urging you to go
But if you fail this test then you will lose
So don't go rushing into things be slow...
It only takes a second to be through
He'll push and push and blame it all on you.

136 (14.12.2014)

Into the blund'ring world of statistics
I raise my hand and ask questions of you
Like what's the odds on us being spastics
And throwing away all the love we knew?
Say five to one, but two to one is less,
Or is it evens that we will survive?
Forty-seven percent divorce God-bless
The little lovers trying to survive.
You walk down the street thinking about this
You're all alone and only want to cry
And half these couples when they stop and kiss
Might just as well be kissing sweet goodbye.
But I think that the odds are on our side,
When I told you "...I need a break." I lied.

135 (13.12.2014)

Though I'm a truly happy, happy man
Who runs a fairly steady, boring course
And always tries to do the best he can
I know I have a tendency to force
Weird situations on myself at times,
And these often go spinning from control
And leave me eager to commit strange crimes
As if my self destruction were my goal.
This used to turn me on but things have changed
And now I try to guard myself instead
And suicidal thoughts I've rearranged
And changed to healthy things inside my head.
So though I walk the world just as before, 
I've learnt to love myself a little more.

134 (12.12.2014)

Sweet torture is this thing that burns tonight
Lie with you naked, but your mind is gone
No instigation, I say "It's alright..."
But somehow we both know that you've moved on.
Where did we stumble dear, where did we fall?
How have things changed, when really they're the same?
Your thoughts have gone astray and there's a wall
Round passions in your mind I can't reclaim.
I tell you all day long how much I crave
To be with you but in our bed you yawn
And say "I'm feeling sleepy, just behave..."
Then turn away from me with gentle scorn,
And mention in your sweet, practical way,
"...I can't be turned on by you both all day."

133 (11.12.2014)

It is by acts and not ideas we live
So is an act of thought just an idea?
If I was here and had nothing to give
Would all my thoughts and actions disappear?
So can you help me please Anatole France
I want to understand just what you mean
Is everything in life a plan or chance,
Can I do something that makes me feel clean?
I wish I was a lovely shining star
All beautiful and bright way over head
I'd like to be beyond where we all are
But then, of course, I'd already be dead.
Oh Anatole, you know sometimes I feel,
That neither acts nor ideas are for real.

132 (10.12.2014)

See this beautiful and glorious day
The sun streaks golden yellow on the trees
I drive through country lanes and far away
Between the dancing shadows on my knees.
I hope that I can fill this day with joy
I want to use each minute like a year
But I know that my wishes I destroy,
And that I make most good things disappear.
I hold you close then push you far from me,
I need you here but want to be alone.
I have so many problems and I see
Unless I'm careful all I do is moan.
Let days unfold, I do the best I can
If only I was more than just a man.

131 (09.12.2014)

There's nothing like when crowns are finally done
And I can once again write what I want
And I can mess around and have some fun
Rhyme with 'want'? Let's think, 'd├ębutante' or 'font'?
Who cares I'm allowed a day off once in
A while. Just see how long it takes before
Things get serious again and my sin
And my life and my death and so much more
Announce themselves and make me write of them
And conjure thoughts inside my swelling head
That set me free but do myself condemn
To stop playing with rhyme but work instead
Get thoughts from brain and into time and space,
And try to leave the world a better place.

130 (08.12.2014)

The sonnet crown is dusted down and done
The day has sewn its secrets to the wind
And now is darkest, dark where shone the sun
And all alone the lonely world is pinned.
And each and every man in nature's flame
And each and every race that is their own
They speak for all but one, and in their name
Look back and wonder where the past has flown.
Today I left my sonnet book at work,
And post one-thirty was all but complete,
I realised, and feeling like a jerk
I had to make these instantaneous feet.
Sometimes, you know, well that's just nature's way,
Only tomorrow do we get today.

129 (07.12.2014)

All nature's undisputed queen and king,
How can we not bow down to so much grace
All beauty that surrounds our everything,
From oldest obstacle to youngest face.
Lions and lambs and rocks and sand bow down
We all sing Hallelujah with one voice,
Which rattles from the stars and through the town
And through each side of every wasted choice.
What words will not fall short of your complex-
ity? What voice be heard to rival thine?
All nature far beyond what man detects,
Reflects in every eye that bless├ęd shine.
Of untold powers we know to be true
Sweet nature let me make a crown for you.

128 (06.12.2014)

Seeds and thoughts of love that God has planted
Which grow inside the minds of all men here
Leaves them blessed or sometimes disenchanted
And filled with nature's glory or with fear.
And nature floats around each caverned eye
And deep inside the jelly swimming fish
It strings up to the compass in the sky
And answers all the questions of a wish.
I saw the sea this morning calm as ice,
And saw the sun that danced on sheets of glass
I heard as nature bellowed its advice
Into the gloom of all the ears that pass.
"Those humbled laws they pound with just one thing,
All nature's undisputed queen and king."

127 (05.12.2014)

And nature will reflect all that I've known
And all my memories be filled with love
For I am part of nature like a phone
A conduit for the music from above.
So take me in your arms sweet winter's sun
And spin me round your universal realm
For I have no idea when day's begun
Nor which of us is seated at the helm.
I think I have a body and some thought
I think I understand things that I know
I think that I can learn when I am taught
I think all pleasures' pleasing when they show.
Bowed and crushed but not taken for granted.
Seeds and thoughts of love that God has planted,

126 (04.12.2014)

Fall silent when by nature overcome
But watch the sea, see how it screams and shouts,
And sets the world for sorrow when it pouts
And banters on the boat like it's a drum.
Let all of nature crush my burning thumb
Let winds and raining storms fill me with doubts
The world, the soul, the wrinkled head of droughts
Let all combine to stop me feeling numb.
And I will search for peace amongst the trees
And I will lie on bone beneath the sea
And I will pass through heaven all alone
And I will then be lifted from my knees
And I will have permission just to be
And nature will reflect all that I've known.

125 (03.12.2014)

The world is infinite variety
Sweet nature's hand is copious past words
The humblest twig is blessed with piety
The greatest psalm bows down to chorused birds.
While nature leads a merry dance with men
The wind whistles the names of fallen dreams,
We pick them up and gather them and then,
We throw them to the accident of schemes.
I hold my hand and beg for nature's bliss
I lie beneath the scaffold of all love
From tangled star to sacred serpent's kiss
I long to see through science from above.
I yearn to express magnitude but dumb,
Fall silent when by nature overcome.

124 (02.12.2014)

I humbly write for you as best I can
A semi-futile gesture though, I guess
For what chance has a solitary man
To find the words for so much loveliness?
All nature from the boundless realms of space
To dancing atoms deep in grains of sand
From every crinkled, crying, newborn face
To every wrinkled, dying, ancient hand.
Muriel said, "Can't you see all the leaves?"
I said "They're green." and all she did was laugh,
It's true sometimes, you know, the eye deceives,
I search for colours scattered on the path.
She says "Look closer, surely you can see...
The world is infinite variety."

123 (01.12.2014)

Sweet nature let me make a crown for you.
From farthest reaches stretch your powerful hands
Beneath the brilliant skies of azure blue
Through deepest seas and driest desert sands.
The sun comes up and shines upon us all
The winters send a chill into each bone
Sweet noises hit our ears and then they fall
On softest mossy banks or hardest stone.
And wind, the wind, the wind sweet nature's breath
So terrible and filled with such relief
It seems the subtle instrument of death
And leaves us filled with happiness or grief.
All nature so much mightier than all man,
I humbly write for you as best I can.